Are you in or are you out?

t o d a y : -

Tidy room, sew third ebay skirt - cherub motif. Dad to collect Bojangles pay.
1 . 3 0 : - Driving Lesson.
3 . 3 0 : - Catch train to Kats house. Hang out finish skirt, sunbathe.

s a t u r d a y : -

Meet up with Tom in afternoon in london? probably not.
Antelope with Lisa and Charlie. Look pretty. Get a look at that seventeen yr old. 

s u n d a y : -

Hang at lisa's.

Not really, though yesterday was pretty cool. Sarah came around and we sat in the garden, drank ice tea and did a bit of sewing. Home ec just got cool. Made a head automatica white denim mini as well as some miscellaneous river island style mini which should make me a few bucks for sure. Not too sure to use paypal online to sell my stuff, its so annoyingly convenient though. So i intend to have a good ten miniskirts by five pence item listing on tuesday.

Listening to blood red summer and i feel like i'm in love again. nothing like a song to remember a feeling. I wish in an ideal world i could fall in love. I wish that tom and i could hit it off again and for me to be the type to actually want to be in the relationship. Theres another part of me that wishes i could remain best freinds with him, and start something with Laurie... a silly little thought thats got stuck in my head somehow. It's so bizarre, i'm not too sure if hes my type even. But that would be lovely, either option. And of course i'd still wonder if i'd choose to go to cardiff. And if he'd have become less emotionally inept, and everything with everyone else would have had it's time already. It might be nice to call him 'boyfriend' One day. Though i'll hold no more thought on silly talk like that.

But right now my head and my finally agree. He's nothing more than a friend. I'm glad i chose to keep him around, though it may have been easier to cut him out. I've never like burning bridges. My hearts always won.

But anyway. So yesterday I found out Lurie seems to like me alot, and has been asking for my number. I cooly told sarah i was flattered and very happy to hear that but i'm not interested right now, in fear of being a rebound girl. He apparantly really cared for his last girlfriend. I do like him. But i'd rather save him for a time when he's totally happy and i'm not involved with tom. Because right now the whole tom thing is certainly an issue.

Says she who speaks to him three to four times a day. Who feels angry about a girl i never met just because she texts him. She who thinks she may still date him again.

God i wish i was in love. Because i just don't know. I wish everything was simple, that you felt a small click in the back of your head and a rush of swooning feelings. I wish i was in love just to make my life seem more simple, so i could unquestionably forgive and let go, and move on and reunite. But it's not that simple, and i don't know what i feel, so i'm stuck, knowing i feel alot for tom, but worry about my dependancy and my decision to go back out with him.

But i don't want to hurt him. Thats for sure. And i know we aren't just friends. So i guess i must accept the responsibility for my actions. I must brush my concerns to the side and focuse on the feeling i get in the morning when i wake up by his side.